Bad Things and Good People

With the Olympics in full swing the media has shifted from the events in Colorado to the global gathering. But if you're like me your heart still aches for the families of those involved. You've also probably been left explaining how bad things happen to people. I find myself lucky that we don't have live TV and it's a little easier to filter the things the boys are exposed to, but that doesn't stop the inquiries. The whys about the ills of the world; why are people divorced if it's a sin, why would he shoot those people at a movie, and a thousand other whys just because Turkey has hit that age where everything is why.

I have to answer to their sensitive hearts, but the reality is pretty simple. We live in a world of sin. I'm not saying we suffer for the wrongs we've done though in some cases that's part of it. They know all about cause and effect and consequences. But sometimes people suffer for the sins of others just by happenstance. People went to a movie and someone else committed an act of hate. Sad and horrible.

"But why doesn't God stop it?" The BIG question, everything they know is that God is loving regardless of what we do provided we turn to him. They don't always grasp that He loves us so much He's given us free will. It's like spoiled rich children; if they are given everything without work there is little appreciation for what they have. And who wants to be micromanaged anyway?

"It's God's plan." This is a statement I hate hearing from people especially "Christians". My response to this is generally "Do you know anything about God?" God doesn't not plan for crimes to be committed, He doesn't plan for men to walk out on their wives and children, He doesn't plan for bad things to happen. He would never plan for people to act against His desires for us. However, He knows when they're going to happen and yes, he allows it, and the hope for us is then that we will learn from it that we need more than what is on this earth and we can rise above and move forward.

There's a book series by Piers Anthony called the Incarnations of Immortality. If you like fantasy/sci-fi you've probably read it and if not you should. I read it for the first time my freshman year of high school. Yes, I reread books, often until the pages fall off. But one of the repeated ideas in the books is that long ago God and Satan came to an agreement that they wouldn't interfere in human lives in the "contest" to win the most souls. God honored the agreement and is pretty hands off. Satan on the other hand has billboards and ad campaigns. It's a pretty accurate illustration of the world we live in. God whispers while the sins of this world are in your face yelling at you. Whether you believe in God or not I think it still applies. No matter how good you live your life you'll probably be caught in the cross fire of the poor decisions made by someone else. On the other hand I like to believe that those same people are on the business end of the light we have to offer the world.

I often feel like maybe it would be easier to stoop to the level of other people and play their game. Living ethically is hard work! But no matter how tired and battered I may be at the end of the day I can still look at myself in the mirror and I think that's worth it. My hope is that my children learn to hush the world and listen to a whisper and recognize that there is a difference between the will of God and the choice of man.

Snip, Snip, Snip (Monday Musings)

This year had been the year of a better me. In a lot of ways it has been taking charge, getting healthier, etc. But the bulk of it has been being the me God designed me to be. He doesn't create junk and it's my job to take car of myself and appreciate what he made. It's about being thankful for what's in my life and living to the fullest potential. He planned for me to be the mother of my kids, hand picked me to be the wife of the man I married, put me in the path of the friends in my life and I owe it to him to fulfill those roles in a way that honors Him. I don't think the outside is as important as what we having going on in our hearts, but all you have to do is look around and see that it's hard to separate  inner beauty from outer beauty. Society has taken a nose dive in that respect.
On the other hand I think if we can look in the mirror each morning and like ourselves for who we are then it makes the rest of the day so much easier. For me it's about embracing what I have now and aspiring to be better. God give me my body and I owe it to him to take good care of it. He "blessed" me with curly hair and I shouldn't constantly hide it because it's easier than dealing with. Ever notice how if you stay in your PJs when you wake up you tend to spend the day lazing around surfing the net, flipping through channels, reading the newest best seller, etc. then before you now it you need to get dinner on the table and find the breakfast dishes are still on the table and the day has gotten away from you. I'm not downplaying the importance of taking a mental health day, but I find that if I get up and shower and get dressed and get going, even if I don't have to go out in the world then I feel better. Taking that one step further, if I go beyond throwing on a t-shirt and pair of shorts by actually throwing together and outfit that could impress someone if I had someone to impress then I feel like a million dollars and I want everyone around me to feel that way too. Even if I just put on my frilly undies and go about my day. I feel a little better about myself and then I look at the world like it's a little better too. I think we view the world the way we view ourselves and I want to view the world as a beautiful place with lots to offer.

Yes, I have spent a lot of time this year re-organizing my life and my faith. And on top of that has been exercising more and eating better and making sure that when I'm hanging clothes on the line for the millionth time each week I can stop for a second and be grateful that my wonderful children are there each day making dirty clothes for me to have to wash. Part of this makeover of life has included physical things like doing more with my hair and then I found this tutorial on cutting your own bangs. I should say that I never wear bangs, but once every decade or so I decide it's a good idea. Usually with the childhood prodding of my older sister and her can of Aquanet, lol. But I've been feeling a little blah about the state of my hair and the blogger made it look so easy, so I ran off and locked myself in the bathroom for a couple minutes and ended up with this:

This does require me doing a quick style each morning even if I don't do much with the rest of it, but it makes me feel so much better. Granted in a few weeks I may regret it, but for now I'm actually happy with it.

My challenge for you is to do something for yourself that makes you feel good about yourself and shows an appreciation for the way you've been thoughtfully made. 

Losers

Losing by Tenth Avenue NorthI can't believe what she said...
I can't believe what he did
Don't they know it's wrong?
Don't they know it's wrong?
Maybe there's something I missed?
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love
This is hate
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing

It's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
But I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love
This is hate...
We gotta a choice to make

Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing

Why do we think that our hate's going change their heart
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but but just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound...
Of mercy and Your grace
Father, send Your angels down

Oh Father wont you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing
I feel like I've been losing

Oh Father give me grace to forgive them...
Cause I feel like the one losing

***********************************
I've just started hearing this on the radio and it speaks to me on a variety of levels. I've always been forgiving, to a fault almost. My brother would say I'm just passive and weak. And sometimes I think he's right. It almost makes you feel walked on and abused to forgive people when they've hurt you; like you're the loser and they are winning some battle.

I'll be the first to admit I have a temper; I could just say I'm passionate, but then the moment passes and it's gone. I don't tend to hold grudges. I spend more time laying awake at night beating myself up over being so quick to let things go, especially when certain people feign aplogizes, then I do recounting the sins against me. There's a quote that says " holding a grudge is letting somone live rent free in your head." I'm glad that the only person puttering in that space between my ears is me. Even when we feel like the losers we win. By forgiving whether they deserve it or not, we win a lighter heart, we win a life full of happiness, we win the ability to see the good beyond the next corner. When we learn to forgive it makes it easier for us to live a life loving others and putting their needs before our own.

Tonight take a deep breath and just let go.

Mom, it's the New Dad

You may remember that a couple months ago I was having a bit of a personal crisis over whether or not I was "man" enough to turn my little boys into Godly men. And in that time I've worked out my doubts and in recent weeks have never felt more confident in my parenting abilities. Living in a world that is in the shape ours is in more and more women are rearing children with absent fathers. Even married couples have men who are lacking in the leading father department.

With the boys out of school for the summer the quality time we've spent together has taught me a bit about myself. I have what it takes. I'm not afraid to get dirty, I know how to blow things up, and explore the mechanics of why things happen. I can cuddle on the couch, but I can tumble on the floor too. Showing the boys how to do handstands and flipping them through the air I realized that we're lucky. Maybe it was my having a father who wanted boys and treated us the same as one. Or maybe it was the years with the man I married, learning from him what makes boys tick. Or maybe just the affirmation from this Sunday's service telling me that it's not only ok, but it's my duty to pick up where dad has left off.

So I turn the slide into a water slide by setting the sprinkler next to it and we add popcorn Friday to the calendar. We "shoot" each other with sticks and we have sword fights and at the end of the day we pile into a tent in the backyard and watch lightening bugs and listen to crickets and feel at ease with where we are and how we're doing it.

WIP Wednesday - My First Socks

There were two things I wanted to be able to make when I taught myself to knit. The first was longies for the little to wear over their cloth diapers and the second was socks. I just love fun socks and other than to work out I rarely wear plain white socks. I've collected sock yarn in every color of the rainbow and queued up dozens of patterns I'll make some day. In the short time I've been knitting I've mastered a lot of things, but I had yet to cast on a pair of socks. From what I heard it seemed so daunting and I just wasn't sure I had what it takes.

This past week has been a rough one for a myriad of reasons and my oldest son often leaves me bible verses. I'm quite sure God speaks directly to him because he always knows just what to post on the bulletin board for me. This weekend it was:

 "Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies." Lamentations 3:30 NLV

Seeing it there in his boyish scribble reminded me of another of my favorite verses.

"If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee." Proverbs 25:21-22 KJV

These verses speak volumes of how I try to live my life. It's not always easy, but it makes us feel better when we treat people with love, even those who don't deserve it and I hope I have been able to teach my children that as well.

Father of the man I married was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and is undergoing chemo therapy. This makes me very sad as I think he's a good man. Despite their opinions towards us I still consider them family and I want the kids to send him drawings and well wishes. In times of crisis I craft. So I pulled out my needles and began to pray as I knit; for healing and peace and love. And my first pair of socks is going to him. I hope they keep him warm when he gets the chills, wick away the sweats, and more importantly make him feel loved.

I learned some new techniques and I'm excited to make socks for everyone now.

I have a shawl in progress. I had been saving this yarn for my someday daughter, but since I've only been blessed with boys I decided to use it for myself. I love Carina Spencer's patterns and Faraway so Close is no exception. Isn't it nummy?

This week has been a pretty productive one though. I finished a baby dress I had left sitting for far too long and now it will be going to it's new home. I also finished some custom blanket orders. I even made a potty mat for the turkey. Protecting the floors from him is tricky business sometimes.

  
                               Happy Crafting-

Will They Be Courageous?

I watched Courageous this weekend. And I'll admit I cried through most of it. I know I'm the type of parent who would hold on to a moving vehicle if my child was being taken. And there is nothing in this world that could ever be more important than my kids no one that I'd rather have in my life, nothing that could make me happier than them and if I had to be on a schedule to have them in my life it would take an act of God to keep me away.

Then I wonder what sort of a disadvantage they now have b/c they no longer have a strong father on earth to lead them and guide them and set an example to be a man after God's own heart. As a mother it's often hard enough to do your own job let alone fill someone else's shoes. And then it makes me sad, not only for my own children, but to the children of the world. When did we become a society of self gratification, where our own immediate desires outweigh our families, where it's more acceptable to walk out on your family and find a replacement wife/husband than to admit you're struggling and get help, where our children mean so little that people will get into debt up to their eyeballs to have the newest phone, fastest car, biggest house, but scoff at the thought of paying child support, so their kids become reliant on social programs? How is it that if someone fights for the sanctity of marriage and the value of family that they are the crazy ones? When did standing up for what's right become wrong? I realize that there are people in this world see the dangerous path the world is one, but it seems more and more those people are in the minority. And I'm not talking religion. My faith is mine, but right and wrong go deeper than theology. How is it that half naked women are plastered on televisions every commercial break and yet breastfeeding women are forced into bathroom, and dressing rooms and dark corners for doing what nature designed them to do?

Is it enough to feed them and cloth them, keep a roof over their head and give them what little time you have in a day, to tell them that what's expected of them in the grand scheme is great than what the world expects? Am I a bad mother for leaving the dinner dishes and instead make a new mess building towers before bed? If the floor isn't mopped each night have I failed for the day? Are my children missing something because they aren't enrolled in half a dozen extracurricular activities? Is it enough to spend an afternoon at the park or a morning at the library? Would they have a "better" life if we had more money becasue I worked outside the home and left them to child care?

I never thought we were perfect. Maybe perfect for the life we shared. But is that time enough to carry my boys through to become men like the man they once had as an example or will they be undone by the deck they've now been dealt and what the world says is okay because only my voice echos that they are more?